don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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