So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
