: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
