Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
