by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
