My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
