fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
