The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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