I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
