You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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