I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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