dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
