Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
