You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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