yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
