"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
