I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
