Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
