It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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