We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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