dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
