My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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