Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We named our party play list daddy issues
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
