It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
