wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
