i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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