cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
