Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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