If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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