trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you made out with another girl for some wings
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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