If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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