I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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