Don't you send me to vm
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
