Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Damn victory sex feels great
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