I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the jesus of drinking
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
