when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
