Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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