; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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