So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
