1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I only lived at night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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