why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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