it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
