I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
