I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
