Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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