If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
