i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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