dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
