apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
