It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
