My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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