Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
