Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
