The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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