I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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