i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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